Five years ago, I wrote a post about children’s birthdays in Norway, from the perspective of a very young, immature new father.

If you were visiting that post to gain insights about kid’s birthday parties in Norway, it may not have been the most adequate guide. However, it was written in good faith, to be a bit tongue in cheek, poking fun at some of the personal experiences I have had.

I assume you the discerning reader used the internet to find the story, so remember to check the source before you jump into sweeping generalizations about the author, even though they may be true.

Unfortunately, accurate commentary aside, since I wrote that post I have had two more children and in turn a wealth of opportunities to really and truly feel and understand the topic of being a foreigner in Norway with kids.

I don’t necessarily want to typecast myself as the Norwegian kids birthday party expert, so read the following parenting tips as more general in nature. 

#1 Be Inclusive

As many who live here can tell you, there are some rules when it comes to birthday parties.

If you are planning to have a party and plan on inviting kids from school or barnehage (essentially a kindergarten on steroids, for kids from ages 1-5, as kids start 1^st grade from age 6) you should either invite all the kids, all the boys or all the girls.

This is a bit of a written and unwritten rule, seen as a small way of pushing for inclusivity. We live in central Oslo, there are approximately 17 different languages and ethnicities represented across my two daughters’ classes.

We feel it is very valuable for our children to have such a wealth of diversity both in school and at home, especially for birthdays and special occasions where, our kids can build strong bonds across the community with their classmates.

This rule can also be interpreted in different ways. My eldest daughter who is 7 celebrated a friend’s birthday party this past spring where all the girls in her class were invited and went to the party. The person celebrating was a boy.

Reading the invitation “in Norwegian” I could not help but laugh and said to my wife why did I never think of that. She said with a smile and a wink, if you did, none of the girls would have gone to your party.

#2 In hot dogs we trust

Hot dogs, cake from a box, bag of mixed candy, repeat.

There is no award for throwing a grand kids party in Norway, at least in my experience. We have done our fair bit of entertaining and considering my earlier post, we are a fair bit wiser.

I do not have time to consider the adults anymore, it is a tough crowd having upwards of 15 kids making fun of my accent when I speak Norwegian.

We have three summer babies, so we have gone from having parties with face-painters and the balloon guy to more humble affairs. Hot dogs are key. The most common variety is the weinerpølser, the long thin pork sausages that come linked.

It is good to check with the other parents or the school if there are allergies and kids who do not eat pork so you have the right options. Ultimately the dogs are the currency that will keep the party flowing.

Serve with buns and – Norwegian circular flat bread, that you roll your sausage in, most common way they eat it here, it’s like rolling your hotdog in a tortilla, definitely an acquired taste).

Ketchup and mustard are also key. Forgetting the ketchup, or not having enough is a serious offence in the eyes of young revelers.

#3 Find positives in the pandemic

Even during the pandemic over the last year, Norway has allowed kids to visit each other’s homes and socialize for most of the lockdown, albeit only with kids in their classes.

In addition to this families can have about 1 or 2 families to “pod together” with to keep in line with the evolving social distancing rules and norms. For my family this has meant hanging out infrequently with our neighbors and one other family, and kids from my daughters’ school and barnehage.

All it takes is one FaceTime with a friend or relative with kids back in the US to really understand how fortunate we are here in Norway to have the options we do. This has also meant finding the silver lining in every situation.

We have felt the pandemic has changed the way people interact with each other in a positive way. As a young family, with kids wanting to maximize their social interactions, I think we have become more social within these smaller groups then before.

Our neighbors who are mostly Norwegians, have become more open, more inclusive and dare I say much more talkative. You can feel that everyone is ready to get back to some semblance of normal life and I think our little community has become stronger because of how we reacted to the lockdown.

A tip that has worked really well for us, is that our eldest daughter has invited a much wider assortment of classmates over to our home and to activities after school. She has broadened her little world herself by playing with kids that she may not have played with as much before because they had different interests.

Not to brag but the class has created some really fun ideas to connect after school, such as a Sushi Club, where they go and “taste-test” take-away Sushi when they visit each other.

We may not be able to do everything we want to, and we may not ever go back to how life was before COVID-19 but we have and will continue to adapt its in my our nature.

#4 Find your community & don’t be afraid to expand it

As any immigrant can identify with, we tend to gravitate to what we know and understand.

As a Bosnian American I came to Norway knowing a few Bosnian Norwegians and American Norwegians and these friendships served as an excellent foothold in getting to know our new home.

At first, I was apprehensive to immerse myself in Norway and erroneously let Norwegian stereotypes define my viewpoints. As the initial cultural differences slowly subsided and my family discovered interests and activities that exposed us to a wider range of diversity, we became happier.

Driven by our kids interests, my family has expanded our community beyond our native cultures. We have slowly become more “Norwegian”, but at the same time we have also become more intertwined with other communities in our neighborhood.

We celebrated Diwali for the first time as a family this past November because we have become closer with our new neighbors, a family from India.

As an American we may get a bad rap for being brash and outspoken, maybe too forward. I feel that our ability to be comfortable starting a conversation with just about anyone is a huge plus.

My first few years in Norway I wanted to fit in, so I was much quieter, much less active than I would normally be out of deference to Norwegian customs and ways.

I wanted to give space and in turn began to expect space. Corona has challenged this view. I see now that I can be myself while still fitting in and this has had a positive knock-on effect for my kids as they are now beginning to discover their own unique identities and how they compare to others they go to school with.

When we ask our two girls, who are 7 and 4, where they are from, they say “we are Norwegian, Bosnian Americans.”

Young families regardless of their cultural or socio-economic background have similar challenges. We are all trying to do the best we can for our kids and you should not fear reaching out through social media or through activities at school.

Don’t be afraid to ask questions, because you might be pleasantly surprised by what you discover.

#5 Slow down

The last tip is to slow down. With the first kid we felt pre-occupied in needing to get things done. It was like we were building up a CV so that we could say look at all the great things we have done as uber responsible millennial parents.

Kid 2 was a shock to the system; she came into this world as the boss and remains the leader of our family. Kid 3 has really shown us how far we have come since Kid 1 in that you just have to go with the flow.

You can’t plan everything you can only hope to contain the chaos. Our expectations have been lowered and our ambitions have been tamed.

We have slowed down in order to catch up because thanks to Norway we have a lot of time to enjoy these crazy moments.

If you’ve read this far, thanks for taking the time. If you have any thoughts, you want to share please comment below!

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Have you ever been to a kids party in Norway? Yes? No? Don’t have kids? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then I believe I have some interesting insights for you, my discerning reader.

Whether or not you have children, sometime in the future, you may be faced with a decision of attending a child’s birthday party. This may seem like a simple undertaking, however, do not be fooled.

There is a host of unspoken truths that many fail to mention. You must actually experience those truths to understand.

UPDATE: Ado has written an update to this post, which you can read here.

You will endure humiliation in some form or other without understanding the infractions that you committed. When I say you, I mean me.

Notes from a father

To preface, I write from the seasoned perspective of a father of two children, and husband of a very sweet yet firm wife. When I say firm, I mean completely in charge.

We have lived in Norway for the past four years, raising our two girls exclusively in the wonderfully family friendly and relatively socially inclusive environment that Norway is famous for.

My wife is an original American, as my family says, and I am Bosnian-American, as I say. We do not speak Norwegian yet. Some may frown upon that, however, every time we consider picking up classes we have the same conversation; “How long are we going to be here, really?” “How useful is it for us to learn?” This issue is only becoming more urgent as our oldest daughter learns Norwegian in barnehage.

Each time we have this conversation I picture myself sitting in a bar in southern California (where we came from and most likely will return eventually). I randomly come across Norwegian tourists, distinguishable by their capris shorts and sandals, and I amaze them because this random American guy they just met speaks fluent Norwegian.

Read more: Are Norwegians Rude?

Unfortunately, the dream quickly fades, considering that the Norwegian I do speak is limited to a few select phrases. “Har du Vipps?” or, “Dommer er du seriøs?” As you can tell my interests are paying for things I probably don’t need and playing football a bit too vigorously.

This sets the stage for the insights I wish to share with you. You can’t judge a book by its cover but you can judge a dad by his behavior at a kid’s birthday party.

To drink or not to drink?

We have been to several birthday parties over the last three years for children ranging in age from 1 to 4 and we have seen both alcohol-friendly and alcohol-free occasions. The challenge at these things comes from understanding the social cues regarding whether or not it is okay to drink something other than boxed juice.

Most people that I have encountered seem to have the same semi-guilt that I do when drinking a beer around other people’s kids. The rules do not seem to be explicitly clear. This appears to affect both hosts and guests.

Read more: Alcohol in Norway

At times it appears the hosts serve alcohol because it seems right. Most of the people we know are new parents so, like us, they just look back at what they did the last time they threw a shindig and go with that.

Guests who tend to be relatively new to the experience also do what they normally do, bring a sack of beer and guard it with their lives.

As we expand our network and attend more kids parties we see a range of differences. Adult bevvies have been replaced with organic hand-made juices and other items found on Pinterest.

Themes are announced well in advance and there is a herculean effort put into the whole event, making me feel slightly insecure.

What is normal?

Is this normal? Is this what we need to do every time? Now there is nothing wrong with having a bit of pizazz at your one-year old’s birthday party.

All I’m saying is that expectations need to be clear, especially when considering the big kids that will be attending. Is it okay to drink or will I be voted off the island if I take a sip of something that does not contain coconut water.

For example, when I brought my own beer, to share of course, to a kid’s party I did get a few looks from some of the moms/grandmas. The looks were not, “Awe, look at that selfless handsome man bringing beer to share with his friends.” They were more sinister in nature.

The husbands, my so-called brothers in arms, were visibly defeated as they politely declined my incessant offers to share my bounty. This left me to do what I normally do at these types of events; play with my daughter, possibly to her detriment, as there are plenty of other children around to play with, so that I can avoid having awkwardly silent conversations with the locals.

Therefore, to be clear, hosts and guests alike need to know the rules prior to the event. We should make people feel comfortable and free to enjoy themselves with their children and not set unnecessary expectations. Nobody wants an Uncle Martin, passed out on the swing set, but we do want people to come and have a good time. This may require a bit of education.

The Norwegian fun switch

Norwegians, in my singular opinion, seem to have a switch. Before they have children it is almost obligatory to get so inebriated when they drink that Oslo literally turns into an episode of the Walking Dead every Friday night through Sunday morning.

The only reason I know is that I have had to take an early flight and, let’s just say that, I made sure my door was locked. When the kids come, the switch is hit, and they are now supposed to be responsible adults that frown upon consumption and excess. No middle ground. Why can’t we have the best of both worlds, bit of fun and the kids?

To my own dismay, I have experienced, what appears to be, the disapproving gaze of the Norwegian neighbors, watching our party escalate. I offer you a choice, my otherwise very friendly and polite neighbors who appear to not support the choices I make as an adult, don’t look at us roasting a lamb in our common area with bewilderment. Come try it.

The expectations or the rules, are pretty simple and relatively clear when attending our Balkan/American children’s party. You may drink wine, beer or juice. While we are at it, you can even drink water. The only thing you can’t do is be irresponsible, not because you’re old enough now to know better, but because it’s just bad form, come on Uncle Martin.

In closing, a brief message to our readers that are planning a children’s party, think about the adults too.

UPDATE: Read Ado's follow-up on parenting in Norway.

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